


In Between

by remuslupinlover



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance, trying to write plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 02:28:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6311557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remuslupinlover/pseuds/remuslupinlover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We know that pre-nuclear war Nick Valentine was a detective and went to the C.I.T (the early Institute) to get his memories scanned. We also know that synth Nick Valentine woke up in a garbage heap with few and foggy memories of the Institute and how he came to be. </p><p>This is what happened in between.  </p><p>In the early days of the Institute, each synth was assigned to a scientist. Young scientist, Doctor Raelynn Waters, was assigned Nick Valentine, a suicidal detective who just wanted to escape the haunting memories of his former fiance. Raelynn Waters is in charge of helping her synth adapt to his new environment and learn how to operate at full potential. In cases where full potential is compromised, termination of the synth is expected. </p><p>We know Nick Valentine is tossed out of the Institute, but here's the story of why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this idea bubbling inside my head for awhile. I plan on making it a fairly long series, so please, feel free to give feedback on if you're enjoying it or not! I appreciate every comment and kuddo.  
> Also I'm the only one who's proof-reading this so if you see any grammar mistakes, please let me know! Thank you!  
> I hope you enjoy the story!

Blinding white light burned Nick Valentine’s eyes, making him squeeze them shut. He tried moving his head to the side but a piercing pain shot through his neck, making his ears ring. 

Everything hurt. 

As the ringing in his ears died away, Nick tried to remember what had happened to him. Where was he? God he must had had a shit ton to drink last night. He’d had many nights like this since Jenny…oh Jenny. 

The lights suddenly dimmed, allowing Nick to blink furiously, managing to squint his eyes open. 

The light hadn’t really dimmed. Someone was just standing in front of him. 

A red stripped white lab coat. A red shirt with a white badge pinned to the breast. A soft jawline. Short black hair. Sad eyes. A woman. No, a young girl.

His ears were still ringing when she opened her mouth but Nick couldn’t make out what she was saying. He wasn’t good at reading lips either. He shook his head, wincing as pain blurred his vision. 

He tried to reach his hand up to his face but found that his wrist was strapped down to the reclining chair he was in. He tugged harder, yanking with all his might but he felt so weak he knew he wasn’t going to get free. All the muscles in his body tensed up in panic, and he felt himself scream although he couldn’t hear it. He yanked against his restraints again, screaming and yelling, jerking against the chair. 

He felt a hand press firmly against his chest, and it hurt so badly. He could barely make out that he didn’t have a shirt on, didn’t have pants on either. The hands pressed harder until he was laying back into the reclining chair again. They were small hands, soft and warm against his cold flesh. 

Nick blinked, raising his throbbing head to look at the girl again. 

She couldn’t have been more than 20 years old, short black hair with a fringe she had to whip her head to the side to flip off her forehead. A few freckles splattered across the bridge of her nose. Her big blue eyes looked down at him sadly, a small frown playing on her lips.

But who was she? And where the hell was he?

He managed to turn his head to the side, and his eyes widened in shock. The room was white walled, with tables lining the walls covered in gears, motors, and mechanical gadgets. A couple computers were monitoring a heartbeat. Nick looked over to his right and his head fell back again the chair he was reclined in. 

An unconscious and naked man was reclining in a chair similar to the one he was in. 

That man was him. It was Nick Valentine. 

But how? He was Nick? Who was this man? This imposter? Where was he?

“Where am I?” Nick demanded, his squint turning into a glare. He yanked against the arms restraints, then attempted to kick his foot only to feel to being caught in a similar restraint. 

The girl opened her mouth again to speak and now Nick could somewhat make out what she was saying. 

“You’re safe. You’re safe. Please calm down.” 

“CALM DOWN?! Where the hell am I?” Nick roared, pulling against the straps again. 

“Please,” the girl begged, gently pressing against his chest again. “I’ll explain everything but please don’t pull against the restraints. They’ll sedate you again if you get too aggressive.”

“They WHO?”

The girl sighed, lifting her hand from his chest. 

“You’re at the Institute’s robotics laboratory. My name is Raelynn Waters. I’m your care taker.” 

Nick sputtered in the chair, his head aching. Now that his eyes were adjusted to the room’s light he could make out more of his environment. 

He was naked, like the Nick Valentine next to him. But his body…was different. He didn’t have the chubby stomach, the hairy arms, or even his genitalia. He was smooth all over and he was…grey. There were tight restraints on his ankles, wrists and across his waist. Needles and tubes were connected to his left arm and chest, two pumping blue liquid and one pumping pink liquid into him. 

“W-what did you do to me?” Nick asked, looking up at the girl, Raelynn Waters, with terrified eyes. Nick glanced over to the unconscious Nick Valentine. That was him, that’s what he was supposed to look like.

“It-it’s so complicated. You wouldn’t be able to process it now-“

“What did you do to me!?” Nick roared, pulling against the restraints, managing to loosen his right hand’s strap enough to slip out of it. His hand clawed at the girl, clutching at the lapels of her lab coat, yanking her against his bare chest. 

Her frightened face was right next to his as he snarled, “I want answers!” Her small hand was pushing hard against his chest, her eyes begging him to let her go. 

She opened her mouth to say something but suddenly the sliding doors to his right flew open. 4 men in red and white lab coats rushed towards them, quickly prying Nick’s hand off of Raelynn Waters, and forcing him flat into the reclining chair. 

Nick started yelling as loud as his weak lungs could. He fought against the men as they wrestled with him, one picking up a syringe with bright green fluid, injecting the chemical into one of the tubes that was connected to Nick’s chest. 

The girl, Raelynn Waters, was yelling at the men to be gentle and at Nick to relax but it was only background noise as the men struggled to hold Nick down.

Nick watched in panic as the green liquid traveled up the tube towards his chest. He roared, free right hand turning into a fist and thrusting out to strike at one of the men. 

Raelynn screamed as the punch landed, knocking the man back as Nick attempted to yank out the tubes in his chest. 

The 3 other men were doing a good job of holding him back though, letting the green sedative reach his chest and do its job.

Almost immediately Nick felt his breath catch and his chest rattle as his head lolled back against the chair. His eyes were so heavy. The bright light was dimming again. Nick’s fist opened as his hand fell back down, a man quickly strapping it back into its restraint. 

He tried so hard to stay awake. 

He had stopped yelling but his mouth was still hanging open, gasping as he tried to keep his eyes open. 

The last thing Nick Valentine saw before passing out were those sad blue eyes of the mysterious Raelynn Waters.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick Valentine goes to get help from the C.I.T. 
> 
> (There's a lot of pain and mentions of suicidal thoughts in this chapter.)

Nick Valentine sat at his office desk, staring blankly at the white pamphlet that lay on it. It had laid unopened for some time now. 

Next to the pamphlet was his box of belongings: his desk name plate, his red stapler, a small potted plant Jenny had bought him. 

Nick sighed, looking down at the picture frame in his hands. 

It was Jenny and him smiling at the camera on New Year’s the year before. He was holding her in his arms at a friend’s party when his buddy George had suggested a picture and Jenny had wanted to so of course Nick did too. 

He felt tears stinging his eyes as he looked at his ex-lover’s face. She had been so happy that night, having gotten a promotion at her work. He had cherished the smile on her face, and they had laughed as they mingled among friends that night. As the clock struck midnight Nick had pulled her in for a sweet kiss, holding her tight in his arms and whispering how much he loved her. 

6 weeks later she would be dead. 

A tear rolled down Nick’s check as he bit back a sob. 

It was all his fault. 

He closed his eyes, squeezing out the tears before brushing them away with his hand. He held the picture of them close to his chest, letting his head fall back against his desk chair. 

It was all his fault. 

Nick let a few minutes pass, his mind focusing on the ticking of the wall clock, the distance muffled sound of phones ringing across the office building, the sound of footsteps and chatter that he couldn’t stand anymore. 

He sighed, heavy with emotion, as his eyes fell to the white pamphlet again. 

‘C.I.T (Commonwealth Institute of Technology) Therapy!’ The front cover read. ‘Emotionally, physically, or mentally overwhelmed? WE have the solution!’

Nick grumbled, gently placing the picture frame back on his desk and reaching out for the flyer. 

Soon after Jenny’s death, and after the discovery that the Eddie Winter case had been planned by their higher ups, Nick’s boss had left him a holotape stating how he wanted Nick to get help. 

‘And this was the help he had in mind?’ Nick thought, flipping the pamphlet over to stare at the plain back page. 

He signed again, opening the folded flyer. 

“We have the help you need. With our certified doctors and therapists, the C.I.T. had established themselves are the sure way to find mental, physical, and emotional stability.   
Our treatments are personally constructed for the client, with a team of qualified members consulting the patient the whole way through treatment. 

You may enter overwhelmed with a lot of your mind, but we can guarantee by the end of our 2 month treatment, you’ll leave with a clearer head than you’ve ever had before.’ 

Nick’s eyes scanned over the address of the clinic and the contact information. 

With another grumble, he grabbed the picture of Jenny and the pamphlet, placing both in his box of stuff before lifting it and walking out of his office for the last time.

~

“So how exactly does this help me?” Nick Valentine asked skeptically, eyeing the old man who was placing monitoring patches on Nick’s bare chest. 

“We’re going to find your base line Mr. Valentine.” 

“Base line for what?”

“For all of your vital signs. We have to see how your vitals and brain waves change during treatment. This gives us a starting point.” The old man, who had introduced himself as Doctor Finch, said. He placed more sticky monitor patches against Nick’s temples. “Now please, simply sit there and relax.”

Nick grumbled, fingers fidgeting against his leg before Doctor Finch took his hand, putting metal clips on Nick’s fingers that were attached to yet another monitor. Nick sighed, looking around the small room. There were normal medical equipment, a glass jar of cotton swabs, a few wooden sticks, a sink, a wall of cabinets Nick could assume were filled with more junk. 

Nick glanced over to the monitors next to him, watching his heart rate line on screen, synced with the beating in his chest. 

He was distracted with the monitor that he didn’t notice the door open. Another doctor entered, this one a woman. Short and small, but she walked tall and with purpose. She smiled at Doctor Finch as he stepped over and the two conversed in hushed tones that Nick could only slightly hear when he focused.

“This is the one you want?” Doctor Finch whispered. 

“I think he had great potential as a patient.” The female doctor said smiling, staring down at the clipboard in her hands. 

“He’s too emotional. Stabilizing him will be a hassle-“

“Let me talk to him Finch.” The black haired girl cut Finch off, staring up at him with piercing blue eyes. 

“Don’t get attached Waters. You remember what happened last time.” 

The girl, Waters, glanced over at Nick, who was still sitting on the uncomfortable table, watching the two doctors with a curious face.

“Waters, are you listening?” Finch said with a snap.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t get attached. I know Finch. But he’s special. I can feel it. He could be perfect.” 

The two doctors turned away from Nick, blocking his view of the woman’s face. 

What was he perfect for? The ridiculous treatment they were offering? 

Nick grumbled, fingers with the metal clamps tapping against his leg impatiently. 

“Mr. Valentine?” the girl’s voice called out. 

Nick’s head snapped in direction of the woman. Her blue eyes were staring at him and she was giving him a friendly smile. He glanced past her as Doctor Finch left the room. 

“My name is Doctor Raelynn Waters.” She said, sticking her hand out for him to shake. Thankfully all the metal clamps were on his left hand, allowing him to take her hand in his right and properly shake. 

“A bit young to be a doctor aren’t ya?” Nick asked, eyeing the short doctor in the white lab coat. 

Doctor Waters laughed, shaking her head. “I just graduated last year. I had a few good connection with a high division C.I.T member; called in a favor, pulled a few strings, and here I am.” She said smiling, stepping closer to Nick to look past him at his monitors. 

Nick looked with her and watched his heart rate line’s spike rise and fall. 

“Quite the friend you’ve got.” 

“Well, when your father is adamant on you working for his best golfing buddy, you do as father says.” 

“Daddy’s girl?” Nick asked, immediately regretting the flirtatious words that left his mouth. He hadn’t meant to say it that way. Jenny’s face flashed through his mind. 

‘God Jenny, I’m sorry’ Nick thought as he watched Doctor Waters eye him with a smirk. If the girl had a witty comeback on the tip of her tongue, she held the remark in as she looked down to read through the clipboard holding Nick’s file. 

“So what now?” Nick asked, licking his lips and eyes squinting to try and read what the female doctor was writing into his file. 

The file was titled out of his view and flipped shut when she noticed him looking at it. 

“I have a few questions.” Doctor Waters said, walking over to pull the chair that was in the corner of the room over to where Nick was sitting. 

“Shoot Doc.” Nick said, shifting back on the paper covered table. 

Doctor Waters sat down, crossing her left leg over her right before flipping the file back open, pen in hand. 

“Would you consider yourself a very emotional man, Mr. Valentine?” she asked, blinking up at him. 

Nick twisted his mouth left and right. “I try to stay as level headed as I can be.” He replied, watching Doctor Waters check a box and scribble a note. 

“Do you have a good memory?” 

“Have to in my line of work.” Nick said, fingers itching to take a cigarette from his jacket that was tosses at the end of the table he was sitting on. 

“You work at the local police station? Is that correct?”

“I’m a detective for them, yes.” Nick said, thoughts of Eddie Winter flashing through his mind before he focused back on the girl in front of him scribbling notes on her paper.

“Do you like your detective work?”

Nick was silent for a moment, eyes watching the heart rate line rise and fall. 

“I like it enough. It’s rewarding, bringing in a crook. Doing some justice for the people who have been…wronged.” The words faded as they left his mouth, his thoughts returning to Jenny. 

The doctor seemed to pick up on the shift in mood. 

"You like helping people, Mr. Valentine?" She asked with a small smile. 

"Yeah," Nick said quietly. "I like helping people. Not much good nowadays but I did." 

Doctor Waters scribbled a few lines on her clipboard before looking back up.

“Would you say you’ve been under an unusual amount of stress within the last few months?” 

Nick gave an empty laugh, sighing as he watched his hands. 

“Yeah that seems about right.” He answered, not looking at Doctor Waters.

“And you currently have a lot of negative stressors in your life.” She stated, checking a few boxes on her clipboard. 

“Yeah.” Nick said shortly, eyes flickering to watch her scribble notes. 

“Can you explain to me one of your negative stressors?” Doctor Waters asked, looking up at the cop with big blue yes.

Nick was silent, letting every memories of the Eddie Winter case flood his brain. He felt his throat tighten as he remember how Jenny felt in his arms, dying and bloody. He remembered listening to Eddie’s holotape over and over, crying and screaming, smashing everything in his bedroom to pieces. 

“Mr. Valentine?” a soft voice said, bringing him back to the present. 

“Eddie Winter.” Nick replied, looking Doctor Waters straight in the eye. 

The doctor gave a small comforting smile. 

“Can you tell me about him?” she asked, resting her pen against the paper, all her focus on Nick. 

Nick squirmed on the table, looking over to see his heart rate line spike wildly.

“He ruined my life.” Nick said sighing. “He tricked me and lead me on a wild goose chase and I…I had no idea. It was all a part of bigger scheme. And he got away with it. He got away with everything. With killing Jenn-“ Nick choked on the emotional rising in his chest. His heart rate line had increased rapidly, spiking up and down. 

“Mr. Valentine….Nick? May I call you Nick?”

“Sure kid,” he whispered, biting his lip and fighting back tears. 

“Nick,” her soft voice said next to him. A hand was gently placed on his knee, making Nick glance up at the doctor, tears falling down his cheeks. 

“Can you tell me about Jenny?” she asked, watching him patiently. “I don’t know what you’re going through. I can’t even begin to imagine. But I know that talking about trauma helps heal wounds faster than keeping everything inside.” 

Nick scoffed, reaching up to wipe away his tears only to poke his eye with the metal clamps on his fingers. He blinked rapidly, shaking his head.

“She was the best damn thing to happen to me and I went and fucked it all up.” Nick said, nearly choking on his words again. 

“You did? Or Eddie Winter did?” 

“It was my fault.” Nick whispered, tears burning his eyes. The hand on his knee gave a gentle squeeze of reassurance. 

“If it wasn’t for me she wouldn’t have gotten caught up in the fight. She’d…she’d still be alive.” Nick tried to fight the growing emotion but Jenny’s face ran through his mind again, pushing him over the edge. It was like something snapped inside of him. 

Sobs racked his body and he felt an enormous pressure compressing his chest, making it hard to breathe. He covered his wet face with his hands, running them up to grab onto his thick hair, tugging it painfully. 

The hand on his knee disappeared and then he felt two hands on both his shoulders, holding onto his upper arms gently, offering a stranger’s comfort. 

Nick cried harder. When was the last time someone held him? Had shown him comfort beside “Hang in there Nicky” or “It gets better Nick”? The dam that had held in all the emotions Nick had felt the past few weeks had broken, sending a tidal wave of pain crashing down on him. 

He jerked forward, wrapping arms tightly around Doctor Waters and sobbing into her shoulder. 

She offered him quiet murmurs, shushing into his ear and softly patting and caressing his tense back.

He wasn’t sure how long he cried, but Doctor Waters never showed discomfort, holding onto Nick as he clung to her like a child. 

Finally, with burning eyes and a throbbing headache, Nick slowly pulled away, avoiding eye contact. 

Doctor Waters was silent, allowing Nick time to collect himself, wiping his eyes and sniffing. He didn’t notice her brushing away her own tears. 

The air in the room was thick with static emotion. Nick sniffled again, looking down at the doctor with red eyes. She was sitting back down in her chair, clipboard on the small table next to her, forgotten.

He watched her bite her lower lip in the silence before taking a deep breath. 

“Nick,” she said quietly, looking up at the cop with big blue eyes. “I have to be honest.” She swallowed hard before continuing. “You…you need to seek real therapeutic help.” She said, watching his face. 

“Aren’t you a real doctor?” Nick snapped, growing angry. 

Doctor Waters shook her head quickly, raising her hands in defense. 

“Yes I’m a real doctor but I meant…” she sighed. “This ‘therapy’-“ she said using air quotes, “-it’s…it’s experimental. It’s not certified by the National Health Institution or anyone of high national status. Our data hasn’t been released to the public and very few people know what is really happening. The patients…they’re Guinea pigs. We only have theories on how the treatments will react and even then the treatments…they’re not to relieve stress or pain in a normal style of therapy.” 

“Well what is it then?” Nick asked, hands gripping his knees.

Doctor Waters sat looking at the floor before slowly meeting Nick’s eyes, her mouth opening and closing a few times before she bit her lip. 

“We take memories.” She whispered, blue eyes watching Nick sadly. 

Nick blinked. “Y-you take…memories?” he asked, staring at the doctor with wide eyes. 

Doctor Waters sighed, running a hand over her face before standing. 

“Yes…kind of…” Doctor Waters trailed off, eyes adverting from Nick’s gaze.

Nick sat staring at the doctor with wild eyes. How had technology gotten that advanced? 

“What happens to them? What do you do with them?” he managed to ask out of curiosity. 

Doctor Waters kept her back to Nick, crossing her arms across her chest. 

“We implant the memories into a prototype of what we’ve started calling…a synth. Synthetic man. Capable of doing anything a normal human could do and much more.”

Nick blinked, staring at the white titled floor. 

“So you take all my memories…and put them into a robo-“

“Synth.”

“-a synth…then what? I live forever as a rob-a synth?”

Doctor Waters shook her head, turning to the side so that she could lift her head and look at Nick from the side. 

“It wouldn’t be you Nick. The Institute’s idea is that the synth carrying your memories would be able to take all your human knowledge and combine it with the technological abilities we give it.”

“Like a protectron…but more human?” Nick asked, watching the doctor lick her lip. 

“Yes, in a way. Instead of a Mr. Handy…you could have, a synth. Someone who thinks and acts so similar to a human that humans would be able to accept technology’s advancements more easily.” 

“I-I still don’t quite understand.” Nick said, swallowing. 

Doctor Waters sighed again, taking a breath. “We scan willing participants, like yourself, in this experiment. We take your memories and encode them in our computers. We transplant those memories into a vessel in the form a synthetic human. This synth will have all the memories of the participant we scanned but we can now add in information valuable to the customer. An elderly woman in need of 24/7 care will be able to get that with a synth who was encoded with memories of a nurse. A firehouse and police station will be able to have active units at all times who had the knowledge to fight a fire or deal with criminals.” Doctor Waters gave Nick a small smile, gesturing towards the man. 

“Imagine steak outs on watch for a bad guy when you don’t need to sleep or eat. A synth will be able to perform human tasks at extraordinary human quality.” Doctor Waters stepped closer to Nick, her eyes gleaming as she talked so passionately about the subject. 

“Statistics are showing that the nation is more accepting of technology when they relate to it. No one knows what it’s like to be a Mr. Handy. But people can somewhat relate to a synth. Because the memories are genuine and real. We can have the human help, but none of the downsides of being human.” She said the last part with a frown, eyes turning sad.

“And all you have to do is scan my brain? Scan my memories?” Nick asked, hands fidgeting restlessly in his lap. He blinked as Doctor Waters turned away from him again. 

“That’s why you need to leave Nick.” She said with her back to him. “This treatment isn’t right for you.“

“Isn’t right for me? It’s perfect. Like you said; I’m perfect!” Nick snapped, hands clawing at his knees. Doctor Waters turned quickly to face him. 

“Nick, we wouldn’t be taking just the memories of you being a detective or working with the police. It’s not just taking the memories, Nick”. She said quietly. 

“We erase them. Completely. We’d be taking memories of Eddie Winter, the pain and suffering of Jenny’s loss...but also of all of the happy memories with her…it’d…you’d lose Jenny. Everything. You’d lose everything. Your childhood, your family, your friends. You’d lose knowledge of speaking and-and everything you know how to do. You’d essentially be an adult baby. A complete blank slate of a human.” 

 

Nick blinked as memories of Jenny flooded his mind. He remembered them sitting at their favorite restaurant, eating dinner before they were going to take a walk around the park. Jenny was making some joke about the soup as Nick’s free hand played with the ring box in his coat pocket.

But then his thoughts shifted. To Jenny lying in his arms, bloodied and dying. Her breathing was ragged as she reaching up to touch his face, smearing blood across his jaw as he cried over her, begging her to stay with him. 

He had been given the order to visit this C.I.T clinic because he had been placed on the suicide watch list at work. Only a few days after Jenny’s funeral, his co-worker buddy George stopped by, asking to search his apartment and to take his gun and badge, placing him on suspended watch. Nick had been furious, but was too emotionally weak to put up much of a fight. 

And now he didn’t have to fight at all. 

Doctor Waters had been watching him with a face full of sadness, her big blue eyes staring deep into his. He sighed and gave her a soft smile. 

“I want the treatment.”


	3. Chapter 3

It was an uncomfortable process to say the least. 

They had stabbed and prodded and picked and stuck him with needles. They took his blood, pieces of his hair, swabbed his mouth. They had shined bright lights in his eyes, his ears, and his mouth. He’d taken so many x-rays he almost lost count. 

They attached wired patches to his chest, head, and arms. They were hooked up to monitors the doctors all watched carefully as he performed numerous tasks. It seemed there was always something attached to him, beeping next to his ear. He ran on a treadmill, he solved a crossword, they made him laugh and cry, made him remember memories he had long thought he had lost. 

 

“This might hurt a little.” Doctor Raelynn Waters said as she gently pressed the needle’s tip into his arm. 

Nick Valentine hissed as she taped the needle down and stepped over to the IV bag it was hooked up to. Blue liquid dripped slowly down the thin tube to his arm.

“That needle or the whole procedure?” He asked, watching the good doctor scribble notes on her clipboard. 

Doctor Waters sighed, looking up at Nick with sad eyes. She managed to give Nick a small smile, reaching a hand out to push his shoulder softly so that he was fully reclining in the white chair. 

“Every patient’s reaction varies due to their personal level of pain tolerance and-“ Doctor Waters stopped mid-sentence when she saw Nick looking at her with a raised eyebrow.   
“-It hurts like a bitch.” She said, the hand that was still on his shoulder squeezed gently. 

She reached down to check his arm restraints, then the leather strap that held his waist down before crouching to tighten the straps on his bare ankles. 

“Is there anything else I can do to make you more comfortable?” Raelynn asked, standing back up to look Nick in the eyes. 

Sweet kid. She was doing a damn good job of giving Nick some peace of mind considering the position he was currently in. Naked and strapped to a reclining chair, waiting for his brain to be zapped and his memories taken.

“A cigarette would be nice.” He joked, giving her a small laugh as he looked up at the monitor that was tracking his heart rate. Sticky patches were attached to his bare chest, connected to monitors that beeped around him. He glanced around the white walled room, on one side of the room computers were rolling codes and numbers he couldn’t made sense of. Tables of gears and gizmos and beakers he had no idea what the doctors used for were next to the computers. He had to lift his head a bit, looking to the other side to get a glimpse of the other white chair stationed next to his. It was the same as his, complete with arm, leg, and waist restraints. Blank monitors were huddled next to it, waiting to be connected to its host. 

The scariest looking instrument was the metal claw that was attached to the head rest of his chair. At the end of two bars were what looked like giant blue suction cups. Raelynn had explained to Nick that the suction cups would be placed on his temples, allowing the doctors to reach brain waves from his brain stem. Nick looked up at the claw, his heart beating a bit faster. 

A small cough shifted his attention back to the good doctor. She was standing close to him, her back to the cameras that were placed in the top corner of the room. Her closed mouth smile was accompanied with a twinkle in her eyes. Nick glanced down to see a fresh cigarette held between two fingers. 

“Don’t tell anyone.” She joked, placing the cigarette between his lips, and pulling a lighter from her coat pocket, quickly lighting the cigarette. 

“It’ll have to be quick, not much longer before the synth is ready.” She added, watching Nick inhale and blow smoke out from his tight lips. 

“’Precciate it Doc.” Nick managed to mumbled, inhaling one more time, savoring the taste of the nicotine and the familiar burn in his lungs. 

He closed his eyes, head falling back against the head rest of the chair. He could hear distant voices in the hallway outside of the room he was in. As the voices continued to get louder Nick was able to pick up the sound of footsteps. 

“One more.” Raelynn said by his side, fingers gently pulling at the cigarette out of his mouth. 

Nick inhaled, sucking in the last cigarette he’d get before the brain scan. He held the smoke for a few seconds in his lungs before slowly blowing it out, eyes opening to watch Raelynn take a quick drag of the cigarette before walking over to a sink and washing its remains down the drain. 

She stepped back to Nick’s side once more. 

The voice and footsteps were louder now. They were close. 

Nick watched the young doctor pick up the clipboard with all his numbers and readings on it, giving a once over before looking up to meet his eye. 

Her eyes held such sadness. Nick was familiar with that look; he’d seen it every time he looked in a mirror since Jenny…since Jenny was murdered. 

Raelynn reached out to touch Nick’s upper arm gently, letting out a breath she must had been holding in. 

“Are you sure you want this Nick?” she asked, eyes pleading for him to understand everything that would come after the procedure.

Nick Valentine sat in silence, watching the young Institute doctor. His commanding officer had originally given him the information on a therapy offered by the C.I.T, uncommonly known as the Institute. This group of scientists and doctors had set up a decoy to scan their “patients” brains, effectively taking their memories and encoding them into highly advanced computer systems. Once in computers the scientists were able to manipulate and reconstruct the memories before they implanted all the data into a creation they called a “synth”. This synthetic man was built to be man’s newest helper. By having the memories and skills of a real human, the synths were able to complete human tasks at extraordinary human quality. 

And Nick Valentine had willingly agreed to the brain scan. Even though it meant losing his memories for the rest of his life. 

“You can still back out. I won’t do this if you don’t want it.” Raelynn said again with a shaky voice. 

Nick smiled at the girl. She had such spirit, such friendly optimism that came with innocent youth. She was giving him an out even when he was strapped in and waiting for the final push. 

After Jenny had been killed and the Eddie Winter case had been fully exposed as a rigged case, Nick’s life had spiraled down in a deep dark depression. The worst feeling was that the world kept spinning. People continued their lives while his had screeched to a standstill, and he stood watching it crumble and fall to pieces. But everyone else kept going. Kept waking up and eating breakfast, kept going to work, kept laughing and smiling. 

Nick couldn’t go on much longer. He was done. Done trying to pretend he could live again after everything that had happened. He had lost nearly all hope.   
But the girl. This Doctor Raelynn Waters, she gave Nick some hope. 

That people were still trying to do good by others. She was trying to help him even when he was at the edge of the building seconds from jumping. 

Thoughts of saying ‘no’ flashed through Nick’s head. She could unstrap him from the restraints, led him out of this building and back into the sunlight. They could go get a coffee, share another cigarette. She’d offer him to join her for dinner, considering he was suspended from his job and had little life to get back to. He’d agree and they’d go to her house; they’d have dinner. Maybe they’d meet a few times each week. Maybe he’d fall in love with her. Maybe when they’re up late watching old noir movies she’ll realize she’s in love with him too. Maybe they’d marry, have a kid or two. Maybe he could die happily in his sleep, lying next to this lovely dame who rescued him from himself.

But Nick didn’t say no. 

Nick Valentine smiled sadly at Doctor Raelynn Waters and said yes. 

And as he said yes, a group of 4 people in white lab coats opened the door and walked into the room. One was dragging a dolly behind him with what Nick could only assume was the “synth” his memories would be put in to. The synth looked somewhat human but not fully. It was tall, about Nick’s height, thin but broad shouldered. It was completely smooth, no hair on its body or head. What looked like skin was light grey and stretched over panels that were connected across its body, the bolts that held it together were showing. 

Nick couldn’t stop staring at its face though. Smooth and lifeless, a Roman nose and thin lips. Its eyes were open, dull yellow orbs that were starring off into nothingness.   
It was propped up on the dolly, being dragged over to the other chair next to Nick’s. The scientists lifted the synth and propped it on the chair, pulling and locking the straps over its wrists, ankles and hips, just as Nick was. Nick watched as the doctors attached patches to the robot’s chest, wiring it up to the monitors and plugging it into computers. 

Nick couldn’t focus on much at that point. He watched the group surround him, scribbling notes on papers and watching his monitors closely. 

They rolled a computer over to his chair, typing quickly on the keyboard. None of the doctors really acknowledged Nick, except for Raelynn, who was holding on to his hand, her warmth radiating his arm. 

She was tapping her foot nervously, biting her bottom lip as her eyes flickering from the doctors to the computers with a worried expression on her face. 

Nick gently squeezed her hand, letting her know that he was okay. She looked down at him with blue eyes, managing to pull her lips into a small smile. 

“Are you ready to proceed Mr. Valentine?” the doctor that Nick recognized as Doctor Finch, said to him. 

“Just a quick question Doc.” Nick said, looking over at Raelynn. He considered his next words carefully, not wanting to let the other doctors know all that Raelynn had exposed to him. 

“What happens to me after all this?” he asked, voice cracking, letting his nerves finally show.

Raelynn’s bottom lip quivered but she stood a big taller before saying, “I was assigned to you, to take care of you. You’ll be safe-“

“Will I be happy?” Nick cut in, fingers tightening around hers. 

Her eyes blinked rapidly as a tear rolled down her cheek. 

“I will do everything I can to make you happy Nick.” She whispered, another tear falling.

“Doc-“

“Rae. Call me Rae…please.” 

“-Rae. Thank you. I’d say I won’t forget you but…” Nick joked with a quiet chuckle. Rae managed a smile, leaning down to press a chaste kiss to Nick’s cheek. 

“Goodbye Nick.” She whispered, pulling back. 

Nick watched silently as the doctors placed a mask over his mouth, pumping in a gas that immediately made him dizzy. His eyes grew heavy, head felt foggy. His vision blurred but he could still make out Rae’s freckled face before the doctors pushed his head back against the chair. He held on tightly to Rae's hand, the friendly grip grounded him to the world. He could vaguely make out the pressure of her hand squeezing back, but it felt like every nerve in his body was alert and twitching. The sensation was close to floating or the feeling when your leg falls asleep but that prickly sensation was all over, even in his head. 

Nick Valentine's eyes closed as he let a tear slip out, rolling down his cheek. This was goodbye. Goodbye to his mother, father, to his job as a police investigator. Goodbye to his buddy George, to his commanding officer, to Doctor Raelynn Waters. 

This was the official goodbye to Jenny. To the dreams of a future that died along with her in his arms on that street corner. And Nick was quickly realizing that he wished he could stop it the procedure. Ever since Jenny's death he had tried to drowned his pain with drink or cigarettes or work. With anything to distract him from the reoccurring nightmares he felt every second of the day. 

He didn't want to feel those depressed emotions anymore.   
But did he not want to feel anything at all?   
Losing the bad meant losing the good too.  
Was it really worth it? 

Before Nick Valentine could drowsily squeeze Raelynn Waters hand to ask her, his entire body was overwhelmed with excruciating pain.


End file.
